


So let's set the world on fire

by Kyni, OrphielBurrito



Series: Of time and universes [11]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2019-02-19 16:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13127247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyni/pseuds/Kyni, https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrphielBurrito/pseuds/OrphielBurrito
Summary: Left to their own device on Earth, the Fourth Universe's Koschei and Theta have to build their lives. But however different they are from their older counterparts, they still have a terrible tendency to get into trouble.





	1. Dead Inside

London was a shitty place. Always had been, always would be. Theta-Sigma Lungbarrow, last remaining member of the Dynasty of Lungbarrow, prophecised to become Kythriarch of the family, thought for himself that he'd rather get fucked with a burning stick than spend one more day in this fucking hellhole they called a city.

Koschei and him had grown out of the system and when they reached the equivalent of adulthood for their species, the alien shelter had kicked them out. Granted, it might have had something to do with their behaviour. Koschei had escaped five times in a row to try and save the world one way or another, Theta had been caught multiple times smoking in the bathroom or hitting on any human girl that crossed his path. The looks of relief on their guardians' faces when they left was pretty obvious.

The children of time, now adults, had found a flat somewhere in the deep end of London where the rent wasn't too high and the neighbourhood was _lively._

Theta hated everything about his situation. And to think he'd been happy to live on Earth and leave Gallifrey for good... what an absolute moron. There was nothing for him here. Koschei had grown distant and buried himself in his books, stuff about Greek philosophy and dead languages and stupid matters of life and death and whatever. He never spoke. Behaved like some kind of almighty fucker too clever for this shit. Theta didn't even know what the other was doing for a living, he just knew that money was scarce and they both ended up hungry at the end of the month. They rarely paid rent on time and every so often, they would have to use candles because electricity was cut. Life on Earth, heh? Fucking wonderful.

As for himself, Theta had found work as a mechanic. Didn't pay loads and wasn't the most interesting thing ever but at least it was a way to stay far from the flat where Koschei was busy being better than anyone else. Stupid Koschei with his stupid porcelain doll face and his stupid desire to save the world. Just the other week, he had tried to run away to Pakistan to prevent a civil war. He wanted to be some kind of peacemaker and make everyone love each other like in a fucking commercial.

That would never work. The world didn't work like that.

Theta put out his cigarette and texted a few words to his date, cancelling their appointment. The girl was nice and good-looking but not enough for him to bother pretending to feel fine. Not this time. He had managed to keep Koschei by his side for a while, to keep that moron from going to Pakistan and get himself killed, but that wouldn't last long. One day, he would escape and run into danger and get his stupid doll face damaged and never return. Theta wasn't sure how he would survive that. Surviving the silence that had settled between the two was already hard enough.

Why did Koschei change? Why did he become such a freaking porcelain doll with zero facial expressions and not a word to say? Or was it Theta's fault that he had changed too, that he wasn't the child that always looked so pretentious and full of knowledge on Gallifrey? The tables had turned and now the most educated one was Koschei, the most clever one was Koschei. Theta was just a womanizer who spent half of his time drunk or high, generally with his latest female prey, or working on cars that weren't nearly as technically advanced as the ships from Gallifrey.

He had hoped Earth would make him feel alive. But it didn't – not any more than Gallifrey had. Time had passed and Theta was still very much dead inside.

 


	2. A Sunday in the family

Sundays were not exactly Theta's favourite day. Not only was it _boring as hell,_ it also meant not going to work and having to spend the day in the flat with Koschei. The latter didn't say much and remained stuck to the computer most of the time, doing research on whatever shitty thing was going on in the world at the time or something just as unpleasant, but his presence was unnerving. He looked and behaved like a porcelain doll. Skin white and smooth, eyes that glazed over everything, moves that seemed perfectly calculated. Did he have any emotion left? Did he feel anything? Did he hate this situation as much as his roommate did? If he did, he never said. They only spoke when there was no other option and either fell neck deep into a fight or just exchanged grocery lists. It was easier than going into any depths.

A bowl of cereal on his lap and the TV remote in his hand, Theta got ready to spend the day doing absolutely nothing. No date, no work, and for once he'd try to have a conversation with Koschei that didn't end in tears.

“Dude, I don't get how unicorns aren't a thing. You have ponies, right? And rhinos. If you combine a pony and a rhino, that should make a fucking unicorn.

\- Are you high already? Thete, it's not even noon.

\- I'm high on the pleasure of doing nothing today.”

_But I wish I was high on something else,_ he thought to himself. Something that would make the anger in his chest a bit more quiet, a bit more bearable. That Koschei's first idea had been to ask if he was high bothered him to no end – he wasn't high that often anyway. Didn't matter. He would spend the day being a slob and enjoying it and if the porcelain doll had criticism, he could shove them where the Sun never shone.

The sound of a TT capsule materializing in the street made these plans obsolete. Either it was a gaggle of Time Lords come to kill them (but why? They had zero strategical importance) or it was the Doctor and the Master who had decided to check on them at last. It took a few seconds for Theta to decide which option scared him more and he went with the latter.

“Oh, shit,” he groaned while Koschei ran to his bedroom to get more clothing on his body. “Kos, fuck, you gotta help me hide the porn magazines!

\- Your problem!”

When the door opened to reveal two very tired and annoyed Time Lords, the kids were standing side by side with a grin on their face, trying to look like normal people. It didn't work – but Koschei's attempt at distracting them by throwing himself in a hug _did._

“Doctor! Master! I'm so happy to see you!

\- Get that thing off me,” growled the Master for the Doctor, who happily obliged.

Theta noticed that his friend did look happy. He smiled in a way he hadn't smiled in a very long time. Why the fuck? These two destroyed their fucking lives and never even said sorry, never showed up in the years that had separated their being dropped into a shelter and the current situation. For a while, Theta had thought the older versions had forgotten about them and would leave them alone, but of course not. Of fucking course.

“The fuck you want? To abduct us again?

\- Theta, please, your language,” pleaded the Doctor. They had dark circles under their eyes and were leaning on the Master as if their legs couldn't carry them anymore, but that didn't inspire any kind of mercy in Theta. He simply huffed and slammed the door to his bedroom behind him. He couldn't deal with this, not at the moment, not while everything was so upsetting with Koschei and nothing going according to plan.

  
  


“Is he always like this?” asked the Master, an eyebrow raised in surprise.

“Most of the time, yeah,” replied Koschei. “Coffee? So, did you guys manage to get the Time Lords out of the way?”

The two older ones agreed to coffee – desperately, even – before sitting on the couch. Even there, the Doctor seemed barely able to support themself and had to rest on the Master, who didn't really appear to mind at all and had not-so-discretely wrapped his arms around them to hold them close. They had curled up in as tiny a ball as they could make themself and rested their head on the Master's shoulders, seemingly unable to keep their eyes open.

“We managed, yes,” whispered the Doctor. “They're either dead or behaving. It took a long time... but it's done. My next mission will be to remove that word from your friend's vocabulary.”

Theta came out of his room at this very moment, a lit cigarette between his fingers that he waved at the Doctor in an obvious provocation. The scent made the Doctor frown and bury their face in the Master's jacket: the scent of blood he carried around everywhere was less of a bother than the scent of cigarette.

“What, princess, you shocked? I'm gonna _fucking_ say _fuck_ whenever _the fuck_ I _fucking_ please. Now will you two leave us the _fuck_ alone?! We don't want to see you. We don't want anything to do with you. You had your chance to do something good and you fucked it up, you fucked _us_ up, so sorry if my language displeases you but I don't give a fucking shit!”

And with these words, he slammed the door of his bedroom again.

 


	3. A Sunday in the family, pt.2

  
  


The Master had taken it upon himself to go talk to Theta, much to the Doctor's surprise. Perhaps he felt so concerned about the child because he was Theta-Sigma... albeit a very different Theta-Sigma. This one had nothing to do with the one the Doctor used to be.

Left alone with Koschei, the Doctor felt suddenly a bit uncomfortable. This was far too similar to their discussion with the child eons ago, the discussion that had led to all of this mess. They promised themself to avoid giving any kind of advice, although they knew how unlikely it was that they would keep this promise. They weren't good at not interfering, if the past few years had proven anything.

“So, um, Koschei... What are you doing now?” said the Doctor tentatively, trying to make the situation a tiny bit more casual.

“Studying on the computer, mostly. I have a job but it's one I do at home, so it's not too hard to keep studying.

\- Didn't you attend university?

\- I did, but I don't wanna leave Thete alone. He dropped his classes and went to be a mechanic. Truth be told, he doesn't do much with his days. It's like... dating, video games, dating, video games. Booze and weed to complete the picture.”

Raised voices coming from Theta's bedroom distracted the Doctor for a few seconds. They were far too exhausted to focus on anything for longer than a minute anyway but this wasn't faring well at all. Theta had been so happy to come live on Earth, why was he behaving this way?

Before the Doctor could say anything, the Master stormed out of Theta's bedroom. His teeth were clenched and if the Doctor hadn't known him better, they would have sworn he was on the verge of tears. Well, he was exhausted too – neither of them had slept in a long, long time. Decades, perhaps, spent fighting Time Lords and cleaning the universe, never resting, never stopping. The endeavour had taken its toll on the Doctor but the Master, who wasn't used to that kind of saving the world frenzy and whose body was still decaying, suffered even more.

“What happened, my dear?

\- The boy doesn't talk. Almost as annoying as you. The only thing he told me... well, he said it to the door, not to my face... was that this place is hell.

\- But why?” Koschei's voice sounded almost desperate. “Why? He was so happy to come here... It's my fault, isn't it? I left him alone...

\- No. I think I know what's going on.” Both the Master and Koschei stared at the Doctor, surprised by their sudden interruption and the tone of their speech. There was a lot of sadness and bitterness in their words and their gaze did not leave the floor, as if they couldn't stand to look at anyone. More than the others, they understood why Theta was so upset, so angry at everything, why he was behaving in such a dreadful manner. They had lived through that many times, although perhaps with a bit more grace.

“Based on, well, intuition and the fact that he still is sort of me... he does not hate the place but himself. He hates not being as good as you, Koschei, when he was supposed to be the best. He hates that you're too different. Basically, he is alone.”

The Master gave them an odd look and they did their best to avoid his gaze. Their last meeting hadn't exactly gone smoothly and there were still many things untold – and the time was not right to enter such conversations. Snuggling with an old arch-enemy was one thing, actually _talking_ was another, and neither the Master nor the Doctor felt up to the conversation at this moment. It was far more important to settle things down between Koschei and Theta, to make sure nothing bad happened to them. Whether the Time Lords liked it or not, they were responsible for the kids.

“Hey, Doc.” Theta's snarky voice seemed to appear out of nowhere. The boy was discrete, at least he had that going on for himself. “Don't you dare pretend you're in my brain. Besides, he's only "better than me" because he did something stupid when we were younger. So really nothing to brag about.” He straightened himself up before staring at Koschei. “I'm off to see your ex. You know, the blonde ? Gorgeous breasts. Never could figure how you got her in the first place. See ya.”

And with that, the ever so elusive Theta-Sigma left the apartment for good.

 


	4. Pizza is the solution

The date hadn't been particularly enjoyable.

She was pretty, yes, and funny. Theta could understand why Koschei had been interested in her in the first place. She was clever too and that had been Theta's reason for fleeing the date. He didn't do clever. He couldn't do it, because he wasn't clever himself and what kind of brainy person would want to date a moron like him? The girl hadn't had time to reply before he left, feeling awful and sad.

The Doctor had said he was “sort of them” - but they were clever, and he wasn't, and he remembered that every single time he thought of their attempt to explain his behaviour. They didn't know shit. They were the Doctor. Apparently kind of a big deal in whichever den of iniquity they came from, very full of their own importance in any case, and dangerously clever. Without them, no one would have survived what had happened on Gallifrey, and Theta hadn't quite decided whether or not this was a good thing. Clever. Brilliant, even. Dangerous, impressive, charismatic, capable of getting whomever they wanted to follow them if they tried hard enough – even their nemesis. But Theta wasn't like them. He would never be.

He'd always be a sad, pathetic little man who wasted away on a planet that had nothing to offer him after so many promises of freedom, a world that told him he could be anything he wanted then trashed him out because he didn't function in the right way. Because he couldn't be bothered to sit his arse on a chair and study, because he couldn't pay attention to lectures. How was that for a “sort of Doctor”, heh? Not so impressive.

He found Koschei locked up in his room with obvious sobbing sounds coming out of it. The two Time Lords had left, probably to go do some mind sex thing somewhere else and be all disgusting at each other. What was the deal with these two weirdoes? They touched a _whole fucking lot_ for Time Lords and they even slept in the same bed... but they also yelled at each other and Theta could have sworn he saw them throwing murderous glares at each other whenever possible. Not his business though. They were gone and hopefully for good. It wasn't like he _cared_ about these two or anything, not like he wanted to understand whatever the fuck was going on, because it didn't fucking matter.

He entered Kos' room without knocking and sat on his friend's bed. He wasn't good at conversation, not any more than his other self from another universe was. But Koschei was crying and Theta couldn't stand it.

“Dude, what's up? We should talk...

\- Nothing. Go away.

\- Yeah, right. Look, I'm... I'm sorry. But yeah, I'll go away, if that's what you want.

\- Is that what you call talking?”

Theta thought for himself that it had been wise not to get up immediately. Some people couldn't make up their mind.

“Thought you were gonna leave with the weirdoes. You're not happy here. Not any more than I am.

\- They didn't want to take me with them. Said I was a danger to the universe and that they didn't trust me. I'm stuck here forever with your stupid face!”

That hurt. That hurt more than anything else in the world. _Stupid face._ Why had their friendship gone so sour? Was it the same for the others, the Doctor and the Master? Could they only enjoy each other's company if they were far away from each other? Didn't look like it. They were so touchy-feely with one another. But then again, Theta didn't know anything of their history – he just knew what he'd seen and that was full of an unspoken tenderness he could only long for.

“You aren't. I can promise you, Kos, you aren't stuck here with my stupid face. You'll be able to fly far away from lowly earthlings soon.

\- Why do you always make me sound like an asshole?” Oh fuck, the sobbing had started again. “I'm _not_ like that! I never thought of humans like that! And never of _you!_ You're my best friend in the universe and the person I like the most, so just... just stop, ok?”

Theta didn't reply, gently caressing his hair. Koschei's tears kept on falling and he couldn't do anything about it except hugging his friend as tightly as he could. For once, Koschei had expressed something, had looked like a living being and not like a plastic doll, and for the moment that was all that mattered. There were words that needed saying and problems that needed solving – later. Later, they would figure out everything, they would work on building a new relationship. One that wouldn't be tainted by bitterness and jealousy. One where Theta wouldn't resent his friend's desire to save the world over and over again, putting himself in danger and running away all the time, acting like he was so superior and brilliant and capable of saving everyone. One where, maybe, they could be equals.

“I like you too,” he whispered in Koschei's ear. “I like you so much.”

 _One day,_ he thought. _One day I'll free you, Kos._ But before that, he'd get a pizza for him and his friend (because fast food was the only thing they could afford) and hold him tight and tell him everything was gonna be alright.

Didn't matter that he couldn't quite believe it.

 


	5. Pranks and philosophy

Theta had hoped that this “building a new relationship” thing would be easy – but it wasn't. He had admitted to liking Koschei and that had been some kind of mistake or rather... a weakness. And Koschei had been quick to work with it and make him regret all the hurtful things he'd ever said, because now he couldn't really retaliate without breaking the unspoken promise he'd made. Not that there was anything to do to retaliate anyway. What could he do, punch Koschei? Yeah, he'd done that in the past, and he wasn't very proud of himself. Maybe he was an idiot, he didn't have to be a _violent_ one.

But after the ninth occurrence of a bathroom product being replaced with food or other things that Theta did not want to identify, followed by what looked like an attempt to electrocute him, he had enough.

“What the fuck do you want, you fucking creepy doll? Why you doing this?”

Theta could have been impressive if he hadn't stood there wearing only his boxers and a toothbrush that was covered in what appeared to be toothpaste – but was in fact plaster.

“Because it's easy,” replied Koschei with a smirk. “Because it makes you react. And because you talk to me.”

Theta grimaced. He hadn't said much to his roommate since the day the two Time Lords left... and now Koschei was making him pay. Granted, it was funny, to some extent – and certainly better than the brooding silence that had grown between the two of them since they had settled together. But no matter how hard he tried, Theta could not really enjoy his hair gel being replaced by mashed potatoes.

“You fucker,” groaned Theta. “I had a dream that you moved out last night. Almost jizzed in my pants.

\- You're so charming, bitch.” There was a smile in Koschei's voice. The little pest was enjoying this. He wouldn't enjoy it for long.

Theta leapt to catch him and make him regret his silly pranks but the other was faster. Giggling like a ten-years-old girl, Koschei made his roommate run after him throughout the whole flat, always escaping him just narrowly. When was the last time they'd had so much fun together? Had they ever had so much fun together? Not on Gallifrey, that much was certain. At the shelter... well, there had been good moments. The matron was strict and not the most pleasant creature in the universe but she'd always tried to treat them well, to never let them go hungry or sad. Still, they had never gotten the chance to be children.

Theta caught Koschei and managed to pin him on the couch, glaring at him with a victorious smile. Everything still had to be a fight.

“I fucking _win,_ ” he announced proudly.

“You really don't. I let you catch me.

\- Yeah? Why's that? Do you like me sitting on top of you like that?” Theta's smirk widened and he put his face closer to Koschei's, close enough that their breaths intertwined. Neither of them was good at telepathy, they had never learnt how to use this skill, but touching was still something they rarely did. Theta realized how starved for physical contact he'd been. Dating girls had never fulfilled his craving for touch, kissing had never been enough and there wasn't much more he could do with them – different biology and all. He hadn't thought that this feeling had little to do with the amount of touching and was instead related to the species of the person he was touching.

The realization made him recoil and let go of Koschei. Fuck. If there was something he was certain of, it was the fact that he didn't want to turn into the Doctor, he didn't want to be all touchy-feely and craving the contact of someone else and needing them around. No fucking way. The child from Gallifrey was still very much present in his psyche, still telling him that he was better than that, better than any of them, even though he was nothing and stupid and unable to do anything right.

“Maybe I do like it,” whispered Koschei with a grin, dragging Theta away from his own thoughts. “Or maybe I like being a jerk to you. Who knows?”

And on these words, Koschei escaped to his bedroom, leaving a trail of giggles and a very flabbergasted Theta behind him.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Theta had planned this quite differently. He had yet to learn that his plans were all doomed from the start, a trait he had inherited from the previous universe, and what he had hoped would be a grand reveal turned out to be... well, something much less grandiloquent.

Koschei had asked him why he was away so often, why he only came home to sleep and sometimes to be a slob on Sundays, even when he had the flat for himself because his roommate had gone somewhere in the world to stop a war or something of the sort. The reply usually had something to do with dating or getting high somewhere with a bunch of friends or, on very rare occasions, working. Theta always pointed out that he was full of questions for someone who never disclosed what exactly they did for a living. No one tried to push more questions and everything had been fine, if somewhat filled with lies, until Theta had walked in on Koschei talking dirty in a sultry voice on the phone, a book laid on his knees.

Theta didn't know himself what made him so angry. Disgust ? Jealousy ? It didn't really fucking matter. In a rather brusque gesture, he took the phone and hung it up – which barely prompted a reaction from Koschei. His roommate just sighed, rolled his eyes and went to pick the phone back up.

“What the fuck are you doing, Kos ? The _fuck ?_

\- It's my job,” replied the other in a very matter-of-fact tone. “Don't get your panties in a twist.”

His _job ?_ Theta didn't know what he had expected – a girlfriend, a boyfriend ? Someone blackmailing Koschei ? Somehow, everything he had pictured in his mind was infinitely better than the truth. He couldn't help but stare at the other, taken aback, horrified even. The idea that Koschei could do sex work, even one of the most vanilla forms of sex work, didn't ring right. Not because of the nature of the job, or so Theta tried to tell himself. He had made up his mind about that a long time ago and had decided that it wasn't his place to tell people what to do and if they wanted to work in that field, well, they needed to be protected and allowed to work in a safe way. But that was theory and seeing his oldest – his only – friend doing this was an entirely different issue.

“What, did you turn into a fish or something? It pays well. Been doing it for three years, I wonder how you didn't notice.”

_Because I've been busy,_ was the only thing Theta could possibly answer. But busy didn't cover it. Busy didn't explain everything and busy certainly did not make this situation any better. So Theta grabbed his friend by the arm, apologizing profusely for hurting him with his stupid strength, and dragged him outside.

  
  


“Ok, Thete, now that you've manhandled me all through the city, you gonna tell me what the hell is going on ?”

Koschei stood near the warehouse, his arms folded on his chest, visibly freezing in the cold air of winter. Theta didn't let him cover up before dragging him outside the flat and all through London up to an industrial zone that was, at best, vaguely creepy. If that asshole had decided to murder him right there, nobody would have ever known, and that wasn't the most reassuring thought Koschei had ever had.

“Ok – look – I planned on telling you later, when all's done but – fuck – Koschei ! Why the fuck didn't you fucking tell me ? You do fucking phone sex for a fucking living ?

\- Like I said, it pays well. And you shouldn't berate sex workers.

\- I never said – oh, fuck you, don't put fucking words in my fucking mouth, 'kay ? I'm just saying... You don't enjoy it, do you ?

\- Heh, I don't know. But it's my job and if I can make people happy with just my voice, I guess it's good. Can't do much more on this planet.

\- Exactly.”

Before Koschei could ask what Theta meant, the latter had opened the warehouse and revealed what was inside.

And Koschei suddenly found himself at a loss for words.

 


	7. It's trashCAN not trashCAN'T

“Ok, so, it's not finished, ok ? And it's still a bit of a trashcan and I don't have great pieces and stuff but it'll be faster if we both work on it and --”

Koschei didn't let Theta finish. He didn't need more explanations to understand what the gigantic tin can hidden in the warehouse was, he didn't need any apologies or false modesty (or even genuine one, because it was clear that Theta actually thought every demeaning thing he said about himself) from his friend, because everything suddenly fell into place. And Koschei fell into Theta's arms, trying hard not to sob.

“So that's why you were away all the time, you asshole -

\- Yeah,” replied Theta, not quite daring to embrace his friend and more than a bit surprised by his reaction. “I mean, it's not _great_ or anything, it can only fly in the atmosphere. That UFO report a few months ago, that was me and this little fucker over there. But yeah, that's what I was working on. S'been a fucking hassle – trust me, I'm a mechanic. And I'm not as clever as you, so...

\- I was always in love with your brain,” uttered Koschei, as if he hadn't listened to a single word that Theta had just said – which was probably the case.

“Hey, s'not cool to laugh at me,” groaned Theta. “I just gifted you a fucking spaceship.”

Koschei shook his head and rolled his eyes before stepping inside the ship. The insides were rather bare, stripped to the necessities and designed for convenience rather than comfort or aesthetics, but the engineering that went into the building of this thing was impressive. Theta was telling him about the specs of the engine and how it needed a lot of work and couldn't go faster than a third of the speed of light as if it were pathetic. As if building a spaceship that could travel this fast out of Earth material, without help or prior knowledge of engineering and spacecrafts wasn't an extremely impressive feat.

“And here I was thinking you were letting your potential go to waste,” murmured Koschei, stroking the dashboard with the utmost admiration. “Thete, you bitch, you could have told me.

\- I didn't want to. Not until she was done. But... Kos, you can't stay here. On Earth, I mean. You deserve more. You deserve better.”

He was standing at the entrance of the ship, shifting his weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, refusing to look at Koschei in the eyes. What could his friend possibly think of this tin can he'd just gifted him ? Nothing great, surely. It was nothing but a trashcan. A fast trashcan, but not quite fast enough. It could fly but it couldn't go through time, it could barely even go through space. At first, Theta had built this thing to pass the time, to give himself a glimmer of hope that someday he could escape Earth and find some meaning, some purpose to his existence – then it had become a mission as it dawned on him how miserable Koschei was. He could deal with his own uselessness. Feeling how utterly desperate his friend was had been another can of worms.

Now things would change. They'd work on the ship together. And soon, hopefully, they'd be able to take off.

  
  


“You truly are perfect,” whispered Koschei at the new and improved dashboard. “A wonder of nature.

\- Thanks, asshole!” responded Theta from the heating system in which he was buried deep. “People often tell me that.

\- Not you, the ship.”

This kind of harmless banter had been going on for the three weeks they'd spent together working on the ship. Theta didn't quite want to admit it even to himself, but he very much enjoyed how Koschei's eyes sparkled when he looked at the ship and its engineer, the way he seemed so impressed and amazed by Theta's work. For the first time in a very long time, the two children of time were both happy.

“I'm sorry I acted like a dick,” said Theta one day. “I'm sorry I was always such a pain in the arse. I'm sorry for calling you a creepy plastic doll so often.” And Koschei said nothing but his smile made it clear that he was forgiven.

  
  


 


	8. Real!

“You apologized for saying I looked like plastic!” growled Koschei. “Stop fucking saying it!

\- I mean, you kinda do. Not in a bad way, but you do.”

Weeks had gone by and staying very close to one another much more often than before had started getting on their nerves. Both Koschei and Theta were very enthusiastic working on the ship, that much was obvious, but the tension between them hadn't been erased by the apologies and grand gestures. What had started as tentatively teasing each other again had turned into a full blown fight a bit too fast for everyone's taste.

“I'm real. I'm real!

\- Not saying otherwise, but you look fucking weird,” replied Theta nonchalantly. “Like plastic.

\- I'm not plastic. I'm not. It's skin, it's real skin.”

Theta's brown eyes darted towards his friend. He had always disliked this kind of jokes but lately he'd been touchier than ever on the subject – and so defensive too... That was odd. And nevermind how much he _joked_ about it, Koschei did look like he was made of plastic. Smooth skin, big eyes, flowy hair, he looked like he'd been Photoshopped just before he came into the world. For a long while, Theta had dismissed it as being part of their inhumanity, despite the fact that he didn't share this trait. But his friend's reaction was more than worrying.

“Hey, dude, I'm messing with you...

\- Then don't!

\- Why are you so upset about it? It never bothered you when we were at the orphanage... Kos, what's going on?

\- I'm not made of Flesh or plastic, I'm real, I'm living, I'm real, I'm real, I'm realrealrealreal!”

Koschei's voice distorted and Theta dropped from the ladder on which he was working, his face suddenly devoid of any humour. Realrealreal – or fucking not. Something had been off for quite a while. Now he had proof.

“You're gonna tell me for how fucking long you've been here and where my friend is,” growled Theta.

“I'm him! I'm Koschei! Theta, I swear!

\- Then if I kissed you, you wouldn't taste like plastic, hm?”

The other stared at him, eyes wide, obviously scared. That did a lot to calm Theta's anger – if he was right and this person in front of him wasn't Koschei, it still didn't seem to be someone who meant to harm him. Probably a pawn in someone else's plans. With a sigh, the child of time got a small device out of his jeans' pocket.

“Mind if I scan you, Kos? I promise it won't hurt. I made this thing myself and tested it. I swear it won't hurt.

\- You don't trust me?

\- Dude, we're from Gallifrey. Trusting people is a thing we don't do, remember?”

And Koschei shouldn't have trusted him either. Without waiting for his consent, Theta started the scan, only stopping because the other started screaming in pain. That was unexpected. A Gallifreyan shouldn't have suffered from a simple scan – but the data on the probe was clear, and even without it, Koschei's deformed face was enough of an indication.

“I'm so sorry – it shouldn't have hurt like this, I'm sorry, but... Why?” murmured Theta as softly as he could, hoping that the person he thought was his friend could hear him through his sobs.

“I don't know,” replied Koschei's imitation in between sobs. “I thought I was Koschei. I thought I... I don't know, Theta, I really don't know.

\- Ok... ok, calm down, I'm not gonna hurt you. C'm'here. Sit. It's ok – I'm sorry I hurt you, that's what I get for being a stupid fucker, you ok? D'you need medical attention?

\- As if you knew what to do...

\- Fair enough. Ok.” Theta breathed deeply, eyes closed. It wasn't this Koschei's fault. He was willing to believe that, for the other only seemed shaken and afraid and desperate. Fuck. He should have noticed sooner, should have done something, but what? Even now he had no idea of what to do. Call their older selves? Yeah, right, more trouble ahead and nothing more. No, he had to figure this one out all by himself. “Do you remember who sent you here? When you arrived ?

\- No... and it was six years ago? I think?”

Six _fucking_ years. Theta bit his lips, trying to control his anger. It wasn't the kid's fault. No use in yelling. Six years. No wonder he hadn't noticed anything: he had stopped talking with his friend a long time before that.

“Ok. And you don't know anything about the... the real Kos?

\- No...

\- Then... please, please help me find him. Please?

\- But what will happen to me then?

\- Honestly, mate, I dunno. But I'm gonna figure something out. You're not gonna die, not if I can help it. It's complicated... but I won't hurt you.”

Koschei seemed to consider the offer. It was Koschei. In a way, it was more Koschei than the “real” Koschei. The “real” Koschei was the one Theta hadn't spoken to in years, the one he couldn't relate to at all. This Koschei, on the other hand – this Koschei he had run after in the whole flat, this Koschei he had seen smile so brightly at the ship, this Koschei he had held tight while he was crying. It wasn't Koschei. But it was Koschei.

“I'll help you,” said the other in a voice still filled with tears. “I think I know where he is. But we're gonna need a TARDIS.”

Well, shit. The trashcan was good, sure, but it was far from being even remotely like a TARDIS. Theta's face showed his despair. He was just a kid. He didn't want any of this. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fu-

“But don't worry,” continued Koschei, smirking through his tears. “I got us covered.”

 


End file.
